A long time ago on a really dark night my father told me not to open that mysterious computer until he left on a trip. After the goodbyes I was all alone I had nothing to worry about because my father wasn’t there. my eyes froze on that computer and greed came over me. My hand was trembling and when I opened the computer, suddenly the house started to shake like an earthquake. I had my eyes closed because it was horrible and scary. As soon as I could open my eyes again, I could only see white.
Hi Jibril,
I really like the route you’ve taken based off of the prompt, it clearly demonstrates your skill and creativity. In particular, you’ve included some great language techniques such as similes and metaphors, as well as detailed descriptions that add a lot of depth and pushes your writing to the next level.
Well done and keep up the good work!
Anna (Team 100WC, Edinburgh)